And so it begins (prt 1)

By: Fenrir, the evil nasty powerful, fast, smart, bestest zerg of them all.

Note: yes, my stories suck, thank you for rubbing it in! But hey, your choice to read.

He didn�t know who he was. He barely knew what he was. And yet, here he was, all alone. An individual. He...,It could remember life in the zerg swarm. No worries, no expectations, no emotions. Just a small part of the infinite army of the zerg swarm. A conduit through which the Overmind could use and manipulate with malice and terror.

A few drops of rain fell on his rough carapace, sliding down.

It lifted it�s head and stared at the cloudy sky. Beside his, lay the shape of a body. A human body. It had red blood seeping out of numerous bites in his body. Lately, ever since he escaped that human lab, he needed to eat, drink and sleep. Something he had never done before. It seemed that the Overmind had built these cravings into every zerg as a safe guard. If anybody was broken from the grasp of his swarms, it would soon die from starvation, or from exhaustion. But he was smart enough to adapt and learn. Time to go exploring, he thought, and slithered into the darkness.

[WAD-R HQ]

Jeff was finishing the last touches on the new WAD-R headquarters.

"A little smudge of pain here, $3000 dollars worth of furniture there" he chuckled " $3000 fake monopoly dollars that I passed of as real ones"

in the hallway Angel and Akari were playing monopoly

Angel: Hey, where did all the monopoly money go??

Jeff: The dog ate them

Angel: *Angel walks to Jeff and says* We don�t have a dog. *frown* you didn�t use the monopoly money to buy all this equipement, did you?

Jeff: *rolls eyes* n-no...

Angel: great *yells back to akari* Jeff lost the money akari!!!

"Oh great!" was the response

Jeff: go watch TV or something....having 4 channels is a privilage, not something that should be taken for granted

Turning back, angel mutters something under her breath.

Jeff: What did you say? I wasn�t listening.

Angel: I said you have fleas.

Jeff: I do not! I have head lice! Fleas are smaller and different, like the ones you saw at�

*Angel shuts the door and goes to the TV room* "Let�s go watch some TV Akari

Akari: yeah, why not.

The two babes, wait, take that off *erases the last sentence* The two girls sat down on the sofa, and picked up the small remote. Flickin the TV on, they began to surf.

TV channels: And in the latest news, Iraq responded to the US bombing threat by saying "Screw you capitalist bastards..." *click* "And for just 25 dollars a month, you too, will be able to feed this starving Ethiopian and give him a home. So please call, and make a diff-" *click*

Angel: Hey Akky, slow down with the surfin

Akari: you want to watch the Iraqi government start war, or how you have to give your allowance to help save some child from rabies??

Angel: Good point. Continue.

*click* welcome to CMT! The Country Music Channel! Up next we have�"

Angel and Akari: AAAAAH! *click* *click* *click* change the channel!

*click*

"The police have no evidence into who or what caused the death of 48 year old Mitchell Penfeild, who was found dead this morning in an alley downtown, on Fort Know st."

Akari: Oooo! An unsolved mystery!

Angel: You wish girl. Probably some sicko psycho out on the run.

TV reporter: "But the police did have an eyewitness report in the case, which described the assailant as a quote "Horrifying and large beast" here is a drawn picture of that creature:"

The camera switched from the woman to the large sketch of the shape. It looked like a mutation of a dozen animals. A long, slimy tail was first, then a series of scales on the abdomen, followed by what seemed to be ribs. External ribs...

Angel: WTH?? What is this thing? The guy who saw this musta have been eating too many magic mushrooms in his lifetime.

It continued to the arms, which had thick bone, or maybe tough skin, around it. Starting gigantic, the arms dwindled down to the size of an average 20 year olds muscles. A menacing sickle shaped claw was attached. It looked like a scythe. The creature grew in size, until the last, and most distinguishing feature was revealed. A giant head, at least a meter long. "No features on the face, as you can see, were unidentified, as the eyewitness said it was too dark to see them" the reporter said. The skull was shaped like a banana, with the head not fully drawn yet.

The front door shuddered. Angel slowly got up and proceeded closer to it, turning off the TV. Her face began to frown as her skin began having goosebumps. There was an eerie silence in the room.

Angel: What the hell?

The door in front of her was wide open, letting the rain and wind in. A few leaves rolled by.

Angel: How can that be? I bolted the door shut with 2 locks....*sigh* we must be getting a tornado.. or maybe garr�s home.

She closed the door and went back to watch some TV. In the shadows of the far corner of the wall, a black figure stood. It�s bright orange eyes flickered.

Fenrir: ::: Dinners ready:::

**End of prt.1***

Unfortunately, Fenrir's Part 2 was lost before the archive was compiled.Let us mourn for a departed story.

Okay, that's enough. On to some more fun.

=========================================================
  		  Beyond Unexpected
    		  By: Jeff
=========================================================

[WAD-R HQ]

(Akari sits on one of the hundred computers in the computer room, down the hall from the Member's Room Sector of the HQ. She silently scrolls about a web page. Down in Level A of the HQ, Angel lays watching TV. )

[Outside the HQ]

(Jeff walks the city. Cold outside, his breath turns frost at every cough. His hands in his pockets, he creeps every corner. Passing beggars, and day to day workers. He continues down the street, loving to be alone.)

[Code G HQ. Underground, beneath Statue of Liberty]

(A dark small room. One light in the far corner glows. 3 men at the table sit. A cloud of cigarette smoke fogs the room.)

Ethin: As the new head ruler of Code-G, I will open up this new day with a mission.

(The 2 other men sitting at the table, with Ethin listen, and nod)

Ethin: As low frequency satellites have showed out science facility, Jeff is now a member of a group, labeled WAD-R. I do believe we know where there HQ coordinates are, but I am not in a 100 percent positive state. You two are my mission men. A blip on a map screen of the city shows us where Jeff is.

(One of the two dark, strong men at the table interrupts.)

Reggs: How does his placement blip the map?

Ethin: When under control by S.O.D, they placed a small microchip under Jeff's ear. The chip is one of the smallest chips built, and barely visible. That is what blips our map.

(Reggs nods, understanding)

Ethin: Reggs have Gibbs control the blip map, while you take action on capturing, OR neutralizing Jeff. If, by luck

(Gibbs, the other man interrupts)

Gibbs: Luck?

Ethin: He is, definately, NOT any easy feet. He has been a trained assassin, and in very skilled with blades. Do not underestimate him, or you will die.

As I was saying, If by luck you do capture him, bring him back here, BUT do not give him any placement what so ever. If he finds out where our HQ is, then I leave it under your hands to find us a new one. Understood?

(Gibbs, and Reggs nod, arise. Ethin hands Gibbs the blip map briefcase, and the 2 walk out the door.)

[Time Square]

(Jeff sits on a building staircase. He constantly runs his hands together, and breathes onto them. He keeps a glance on the concrete steps.

Jeff suddenly arises from the steps, and cautiously looks to his left and right. He jumps off the stairs and heads left, turning the corner and heading back toward the HQ.)

Jeff: (Speaking to himself) someone is following me..

(Atop of a building looking down onto Jeff is Gibbs. He, in contact with Reggs through mouth radios, directs Reggs to Jeff. The blip map's red dot continues faster through the screens.)

Gibbs: He's running, don't turn. You'll catch him on the next street over, RUN!

(Reggs runs, sliding over car hoods as the owners beep and curse in his direction, trying to catch Jeff. Jeff, confused, and a bit lost takes his left, into a dead alley, and doesn't even realize this until he reach's the 12-foot brick wall that stops his run. Out of breath he looks far down the other end of the alley, facing whatever it is he was running from.

Reggs turns into the alley, his hand on his 9mm. He looks down into Jeff's red eyes.)

Reggs: What the hell are you?

(Jeff keeps his angry stair onto Reggs, as he begins to slide his hand back onto his long sword's handle.)

Jeff: (Breathing hard) Are you going to fight me fair, or just shoot me?

(Reggs grins)

Reggs: I'll fight you fair.

(Reggs pulls out his 9mm, and foots Jeff in both his legs. Jeff yells in pain as he collapses to the ground. His hands covering his blood covered knees.

Reggs walks toward Jeff realizing he is now under a grave handicap. )

Reggs: Code-G wants you, and they do have you.

(Jeff's gazes up at Reggs, as he looks back down onto his shot knees)

-Jeff soon thereafter was dragged out of the alley, and into the backseat of a car. He was brought in a black cover bag; knocked out from the constant beatings to the head he was given by some sitting in the backseat, controlling his struggle to be set free.

[Code-G HQ: A dark cellar type room]

(Jeff lays, out of the bag, blood staining his skin. The room's darkness makes his red eyes extremely visible. He lies, with no control over what is going to happen. His leg's, now useless to him, paralyze him from escape. His head sways from left to right, in discomfort in how he let this happen to him. The only thought in his head is.)

Jeff: How the hell am I going to get out of here?

(He struggles to try and rise himself, but stops in a squint as the pain in his knees remind him of his handicap.

In the distance a loud steel door pad lock is heard opening. Jeff can see men walking in and stairs into Ethin's eyes. Ethin walking forward, having no visibility to where Jeff is. Only causes of Jeff's vision Drow capabilities, it allows him to see. Ethin stops in front of Jeff, keeping a distance of about 10 feet from him. He looks down on the Jeff's beaten body.)

Ethin: I see you got here in one piece.

(Ethin gives an evil laugh)

Ethin: I hope you enjoy your stay. You probably will only stay for, oh about 2 days. Not very long till your death meets you.

(Jeff looks down onto the dirty ground.)

Jeff: I'll get out, and the first person I will expose to the government will be you, and this, this group you call Code-G.

Ethin: Sad! The only reason I wanted to capture you was to make SURE no one find out about Code-G, and since you're the only, well Ex-member of S.O.D, you need to be terminated. Also, if you believe your friends will find out where you are, you got another thing coming. Our HQ is so well hid; you'd need to be perverted to find it.

(Jeff thinks to himself. Remembering something about a rumor of a space beneath the statue of liberty.)

Ethin: Good day!

(Ethin turns around, but only to turn back toward Jeff and kick him in his chest. Jeff groans in pain, as he moves his hands to enslave his chest. Ethin leaves the darkness of the room.)

(Jeff looks down. Tears well up in his eyes, as he lies there helplessly to die.)

Jeff: Man! Am I fucked or what?

-That remainder of the day continues slowly-

[WAD-R HQ]

(In the Level B living room, the WAD-R members sit. All wondering where Jeff is)

Angel: This better not be a joke.

Akari: I really don't think it is, Jeffy isn't much of a joker.

(Garr sit there drooling)

Fenrir: True! Damn Drows are far too serious all the time.

(Garr continues to sit and drool)

Angel: Well, It's getting dark. We really need to go find him.

(Garr drools to the point where he almost drowns in his own mouth pool)

Akari: Agreed!

Garr: I'm with Akari.

Fenrir: BUT..my TV... The show it's... They,

Akari & Angel: FENRIR!

Fenrir: Ok, ok.

(The WADeRs walks of into the nightly city, in search for Jeff.)

-The night grew late. They all return back to the HQ-

[Back at the HQ]

Angel: Any luck?

Akari: Nope

Garr: Nada

Fenrir: I found this wicked Starcraft action figure down at.er.I mean no.

(Fenrir hides a little Hydralisk action figure behind his back)

Garr: There's nothing more than we can do, but sit here and hope he shows up.

Angel: (Her face shows great worry) I.I cant. I need to find him.

(Akari goes over to Angel and put a hand on her shoulder.)

Akari: He'll show, I promise.

(Angel nods, and they all head of into the room sector of the HQ to sleep)

-Later that night-

(As Garr sleeps in his bed, a sound comes from Fenrir's room. Garr listens)

" Die Mr. Marine. DIE!! "

" Ahhhhh!! "

" Mwahahahaha "

"Take that. Feel the pain of Mr. Hydra's Spines "

" Ouch! "

(Garr cocks an eyebrow, and falls back asleep)

-The next morning-

[Jeff's containment: Code-G HQ]

(Jeff lies on the cold, dirty concrete floor. Millions of thoughts flow through his head. A vision of his mom changes his mood. He whispers to himself.)

Jeff: If you are where I believe you are mommy, I will be with you soon.

(He begins to feel his knee. A sudden thought hits him, and a sudden look of confidence fills his eyes. He reach's into his shirt, and pulls out a small amulet on a necklace.)

" Take this baby. It will help you out of one of your million entrapments in life "

(Jeff grabs the amulet, and yanks it off his necklace. He bites of a small cap on it, and pours a small liquid that was in it over his knees. In seconds his wounds heal. He rises to his feet. Unarmed.)

Jeff: You saved me again mom!

(Jeff says while looking up toward the ceiling.)

(The room so dark to others, but so clear to Jeff is actually a lot bigger than he thought. Cold, and still trembled are his legs. Healed, but not 100 percent.)

Jeff: I need a way out..

(Mechanical movement in the corner, causes Jeff to turn swiftly. He notices a camera.)

[Code-G HQ: Observer Room]

(The man working the desk, picks up the phone and swiftly dials a 3-digit number. He looks up at the screen that shows Jeff. He finishes talking, and slams down the phone)

Man: How the hell?

[WAD-R HQ: Level B Kitchen]

(Garr, Angel, Fenrir, and Akari sit at the breakfast table. Some drinking coffee, some drinking tea, some playing with Starcraft action figures.)

Fenrir: Hehehehe!!

(The door in the main Level B hallway opens up. A man suddenly walks into the kitchen.)

Sender: Hi!

Fenrir: Did you hear something?

Akari: (Waves at Sender) Morning Sender.

Garr: Good Day Sender.

Angel: (Smiles, and waves at Sender)

Fenrir: Oh. It's that newbie!

Sender: I am NOT a newbie.

Fenrir: Are too

Sender: Am not

Fenrir: Are too

Sender: Am not

Fenrir: Are too

Sender: Am not

Fenrir: Are too

(And so on and so on for about 20 minutes, until Garr had to kick both of them out of the kitchen.)

Garr: Anyway. Jeff hasn't returned?

Angel: (Looking around) Nope

Angel: (Looks toward the ground) I hope he's ok

(In the distance a glass is heard being broken. Fenrir screams)

Fenrir: ARE TOOOOOOOOO!

(Another sound of glass shattering is heard)

Sender: AM NOT!!!

Garr: Oh GOD! (swaying his head, from left to right)

[Jeff's Containment]

(Jeff sits silently in a corner away from the view of the camera. He sits with his knees up to his chest. Waiting.

The steel door opens up, creaking. In walks Ethin, Gibbs, and Reggs. )

Ethin: It's dark in here. Find him!

(Gibbs, and Reggs holding guns cautiously check corners of the rooms. Gibbs slowly slides into Jeff's corner. A gunshot if head, following a thud to the concrete floor, and the sound of metal gun following. Blood pools the dark room. Ethin, and Reggs looks around cautiously. A chime is heard, as if a blade scrapping a brick wall. Reggs suddenly turns aiming toward a shine on the north wall, but before he pulls the trigger a long sword blade is in, and out of his skull. Ethin heard another thud, and begins to feel the warm blood seep beneath his shoes.)

Ethin: You are a smart one. I guess you win

(Jeff opens his eyes. Fought with them closed using his Drow instinct. He stopped the enemy from seeing his red eyes.)

Ethin: Very smart actually

Jeff: Pain will be your next feeling. Bastard! Now you.

(A gunshot rings Ethin's ears.)

[WAD-R HQ: Kitchen]

(Angel sits at the table alone. A sudden feeling fills her body, and she begins to tremble in fear. She gets up, and walks into the main hall crying.)

Garr: Angel?

[Back at Jeff's Containment]

(Ethin leans back against the wall. His heart races. Jeff's body thuds to the ground, along with his sword. Ethin slowly wipes his face from the splat of Jeff's blood. Ethin looks pass the dead corpse of Jeff, and sees Gibbs, kneeling down on one knee. A gun in one hand, and a bullet hole in the other. Gibbs walks limping over with Ethin out the door. )

-???-

(Jeff stands in a beautiful open field. The golden gate ahead of him opens. Behind the gate a women stands. She takes a step forward with arms wide open. Jeff's eyes well with tears, as he walks toward her, and the gates..)

====================================================
  			  The End
=========================================================

Joining the Ranks

By Sender

(Story is set before Jeffy's untimely demise)

The rhythmic pounding of a Harley-Davidson engine resonated off the rundown walls of buildings that occupied the sides of the street. Sender slowed down and settled to a stop at the light. New York was a lot different than his old hold down in the Nevada desert. Even now, at night, there was so much life on the streets. He ignored the usual catcalls from the hookers on the corners. They were oblivious; he could see it in their eyes. No one knew. No one knew what was going on in this screwed up world. Sender tried to forget it, that's why he moved out here. The hope that the nightmares would leave in the fast pace of the city. They didn't leave, they just intensified.

The light turned green, and Sender throttled the engine and barreled down the road. He pulled the front wheel up for kicks. He set it back down and gunned towards his new dig on the outskirts of the city. He pulled up in front of a large desolate hanger and pulled a remote out of his jacket pocket. The center button depressed and a side door churned to life as it let Sender drive through.

"You're late." The three-story mech commented.

"Had to stop an armed robbery on the way in." Was Sender's reply.

"I monitored the police radio. I figured that was you."

Sender killed the engine and dismounted. "I got a couple of nice new pieces out of it, two uzi clones with large magazines." He brandished the weapons from a side pack of the bike and placed them on the makeshift table. "I got that game you wanted." Sender stated as he reached into the other pack. He pulled out a copy of a game called Starcraft, and proceeded to rip the box open. He freed the CD from the jewel case and placed it in the laptop PC set on the table. "Transmitting� now."

"Great," Aries said. "There is some group called CWAL just begging to get their butts kicked."

"Have fun Aries. I'm going back out, and I'll take the comm unit with me." Sender said as he places a headset in his pocket. "Later," he told the mech, already immersed in the game.

"Later," was her distracted reply.

Sender sighed and hopped on the bike. He revved the engine and charged out of the garage, skidding onto the street. He soon disappeared in the darkness.

"Hey, I can't help it if the Animal Control lady thought I was a dog. Besides, she was somewhat attractive for your human standards, and I figured Jeffy might have a chance with this one�" The Zerg in the back end of the van explained. "Besides, I was really bored, and you should have seen the looks on those kids faces. They'll never go into a park again." He chuckled as his thoughts trailed off onto pies.

The woman in the passenger seat sighed and stared out the window. "Fenrir, one of these days I'll turn you into a frog and leave you like that."

The Zerg defended himself. "Oh, c'mon Angel� Well at least it would be an animal without fur. I HATE fur� Especially bunnies and kittens� So embarrassing."

Angel looked over at the driver. "Jeffy, say something. You've been quiet all night."

"I think we are being watched. All my instincts tell me so. Oh, and the radiators running hot. How are you?" Jeff answered.

Angel sighed again, "I was looking for more like a 'sure Angel, what do you want to talk about?' but this will do."

The man with yellow eyes looked up from his seat next to Fenrir. "I agree with Jeffy. I have had a bad feeling, not unlike the time I went to see the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie."

The woman opposite him spoke. "Wow, Garr, this has to be serious then. That movie really sucked. I wonder how a TV series could be made off it�"

Garr stared at her, "Some say Sarah Michele Geller is attractive, Akari. I am not sure. She is tanned. Now that Willow character� She's pale."

Akari just stared at Garr, choosing not to make a comment.

Jeffy looked down at the instrument panel. "Crap."

Sender was driving faster than his normal sub-light speed. He felt like he was being watched, and he had to trust his instincts on this one. He drove down a deserted road and noticed a large caravan of dark colored vehicles beginning to form several miles behind him. He sped up.

Jeffy bent down under the hood. It spewed steam about as fast as he spewed derogatory comments. Akari was leaned up against the back of the van, examining her ring. "Never send a man�"

Garr looked around impatiently, looking for something to kill. Angel was preoccupied turning Fenrir into all sorts of cute and fuzzy animals. Fenrir, of course, was not amused by this. They all heard the distant roar of a motorcycle at the same time. Jeffy leaned out from under the hood and squinted his eyes. "Nice bike."

Four figures were propped up against the back of the van as Sender pulled the bike to a stop on the side of the road. He looked up. "Hi. Need any help?"

One of the four stepped forward. "No thanks. Just waiting for the radiator to cool down." Jeffy noticed the two Uzis hanging from holsters on the sides of the motorcycle. "Nice pieces, 128 m's?"

Sender nodded, noticing that these people's eyes had depth to them. That was new. "Just� Acquired this evening."

Jeffy returned the nod. "I'm Jeffy. This is Angel, Garr, and Akari," he said pointing to the others.

Sender nodded, "I am Sender, who's the dude hiding inside the van?"

Jeffy raised an eyebrow. "That's Fenrir. He's� shy."

A voice from the van retorted. "HARDLY! Bow to me human before I crush you! Insolent bug!"

Sender's nonexistent expression never changed. He looked at Jeffy. "Ego?"

Jeffy shrugged. "Huge."

"I heard that. And I also hear several large vehicles approaching in the distance."

Garr nodded. "I too hear the sound."

Sender stared back at the direction he had just came from. "A bunch of black cars coming this way. Gave me a bad feeling, so I hurried up."

Jeffy's eyes narrowed. "Code G."

At those words, the other figures burst into action. Garr unsheathed a large staff, and his eyes began to glow. Fenrir burst out of the van and stared down at Sender. "Hi."

Sender eyed him up and down. "Hi." He pulled the comm unit from his pocket. "Aries, Aries turn that damned game off!"

"What what what!? Jeez Sender, I was going to blow their whole collective to�"

"Aries, how fast can you get down here?"

Aries triangulated his position. "One minute or less."

"Do it. Fast."

Jeffy pulled a large case out from near the rear axle of the van. He opened it to reveal a large artillery of weapons. "So many decisions, so little time�" He looked back at Sender. "See any you like?"

"Narrator, get on with it," everyone yelled in unison.

Sorry. Anyway one of them spoke. Who it was remained unclear because well, these guys all looked boringly alike. And�

"SHUT UP NARRATOR!" Sorry again.

The unknown agent spoke up. "Sender, Jeffy, we've come for you. It's time you two came home."

Fenrir spoke up. "Can I have that one? Please? I want to hurt him good."

Jeffy nodded. "Go right ahead."

All hell broke loose.

Garr leapt into the air and landed in the middle of a group of agents. The area became a haze of red. Fenrir cried in joy as he fired shards into the mass of agents and watched them explode in glee. Angel turned men into cute little bunnies and other embarrassingly cute creatures. Akari leaned against the van and kept repeating "Boys and their toys�" Jeff was unloading a rocket launcher with pleasure upon any black sedan he could find. Sender stood in front of his motorcycle and fed rounds through a 12-gauge shotgun, aiming at anything with a tie. A spark lit up behind him.

He turned around and stared at his bike. He dropped the shotgun and pulled out his Uzis. "I just finished the body work! YOU SONSOFBI-!" The rest of the phrase was chopped off as the automatic weapons roared to life.

A white spiral trail slammed into one of the sedans, pushing it into the concrete, then rising it in the concussion. Laser blasts illuminated the night sky, causing several more fireballs and a great deal of property damage. Aries set down in between the two groups and proceeded to decimate the ranks of Code G within seconds.

All that remained of the Code G force was a large pile of ash and fur. Aries stood silent, waiting for orders from Sender. Jeffy put his weapons back in their case. Garr sheathed his staff and stared up at the moon. Angel and Akari looked over the van while Sender looked over his motorcycle.

"Sender?"

"Yeah Jeffy?"

"Interested in joining us? Basically, we kick ass and insult each other. Mostly insult each other, especially Fenrir. Sound like a good time?"

Sender thought it over. "Better than playing Internet games every night�"

As the group began to discuss and dream out the future, Fenrir eyed Aries over. He muttered to himself: "I could take her�"

=========================================================
		"Into the Breach"
		 By:Faenix
=========================================================

(Scene: An alley across from WAD-R Headquarters)

(A young man stood in the alleyway, hiding deep in the shadows. It was high noon, so there were no shadows in this particular alleyway right now, but there would be in a few hours, so he was hiding in them.)

(He checked the paper in his hand again and compared it to the building across the street. Yup, this was the right place. He had no idea how a medieval castle got into the middle of New York, nor did he have any idea why it had been printing "respectable" newspapers before the forces of Truth had taken over it.)

(He did know one thing, though: the government was behind it. He knew that simply because the government was behind almost everything. It was behind the alien cover-ups. It was behind secret biological weapons tests in Kansas. It was behind the couch cushion vortexes that suck people's change away to pay for top-secret military research.)

(He stuck his head out and looked for any government guards. In the process he blinded a few pedestrians with the reflection from his hat. Yes, the aluminum foil-coated baseball cap tended to attract attention, but it had two major benefits: One, it was hard to see the face under the hat, and, two, aluminum was by far the best material for keeping out alien mind-control rays. Many people mistakenly thought it was the government mind-control rays. The poor fools didn't know that the government had been infiltrated years before by the Slug Men of Betelgeuse Seven.)

(He snapped back to reality. He hated it when that happened. Usually, since, like now, it was accompanied by some little old lady smacking him with a purse.)

Old lady: Freak! *WHACK!*

(The aliens had obviously gotten to her. Poor woman. He checked again for government/alien agents (there wasn't much difference; they were both out to kill/assimilate/brainwash him). So far so good. No black limos, no gray suits, no...wait! Dear heavens no! A Chihuahua! This was bad. Real bad. He was one of the few people on Earth who knew that Chihuahuas were actually alien hybrids gone awry, but not completely. They used their mind-control abilities to make them seem incredibly "cute" to people, in defiance of all normal standards. His hat protected him from that, but they still reported to the aliens. He would have to find another way across to the building. The streets were watched.)

(He turned and climbed up the fire escape to the top of the building. Now, if he was lucky...yes! A telephone cord extended over from this building to the castle across the street. He lowered himself over the short concrete wall and grabbed onto the cord, facing the castle. He promptly flipped over to the underside, due to his weight and that of his flame-thrower. (Yes, he had acquired a flame-thrower on the way here. The Bargain Bin at K-Mart has so many useful items.) Not seeing the street several stories below did little to comfort him.)

(He gauged the height of the street, the distance across, and his chance of being spotted. He decided that merely climbing over was too slow; too much a chance of being seen. Holding on tight, he reached behind him and unlatched the nozzle of his flame-thrower. Setting the dial to "Deep BBQ," he carefully aimed it at where the phone cord attached to the building. He depressed the trigger.)

(Scene: main WAD-R HQ)

(Angel was sitting on the couch, watching daytime soap operas in an attempt to get over ~Jeffy's death. Fenrir was in the kitchen, making a peanut-butter-and-potbellied-pig sandwich on two very large pieces of bread. Everyone else had gone off on a doughnut raid. Angel cocked her head, listening. She muted the TV, trying to hear it better.)

"aaaaaiiiiiiiIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!"
*CRASH!*
*thumpa thumpa thumpa*
*WHAM!*

(The south wall shook slightly, as if from an impact. She ran inside that room and was met by shattered glass, some sort of cable, and a man lying against the wall. He was holding his head as if in pain and had the oddest hat on.)

(The man stumbled to his feet and latched up the nozzle to a...flame-thrower? Maybe she had better call Fenrir in, but he looked harmless enough. Spying her, he extended his hand.)

F�nix: Hello, I'm F�nix. I've been trying to contact you guys for days, but the government operatives have been making that pretty hard.

Angel: Umm...pleased to meet you. (she shook his hand) So Code G has been after you too?

F�nix: Code G? Never heard of it. No, I mean like the Cush-Cush Conspiracy, the Men in Gray, and Area 37. I've got the scoop on them and about a dozen other secret agencies. I just need to have a place to publish them, so the people of the world will know the Truth.

Angel: Do you have a sample of this?

F�nix: Sure, just let me find a good one...

(He reached into his pockets and started pulling out papers. A lot of papers. After a few minutes, when the pile was waist-high, he seemed to be satisfied with one.)

F�nix: Here we are. "November 29, 1999. Finally got a good look at a 'Furby.' Audio-visual modality is perfect for covert monitoring/broadcasting. Subliminal index high. Also bears strong resemblance to Frinobulaxians. Conclusion: Frinobulax is infiltrating Earth with cyborg commandos equipped with subliminal mind-control systems, along with auxiliary...

Angel: Enough! That's fine. Is this all of it? (She gestured to the stack of papers)

F�nix: Oh, no, that's just what I couldn't fit onto these (he held up five zip disks) before the spy came in. She claims to be the maid, but I know a government zombie when I see it.

Angel: Umm...sure. Whatever you say.

(Just them, Fenrir poked his head in, swallowing the last bit of his sandwich.)

Fenrir: *gulp* I heard you talking with someone and...

F�nix: GET DOWN! (He shoved Angel to the ground and leveled his flame-thrower) Die alien communist scum!

*FWOOOOOOOOSH*

(Angel, seeing a wall of flame engulf Fenrir, jumped up and grabbed F�nix's arm.)

Angel: Stop! He's on our side!

(F�nix gave her a "you're crazy" look, but reluctantly turned off the flame-thrower (there is something to be said about feminine charms). A slightly charred and very startled hydralisk looked out from the doorway. He blinked a few times, then coughed up a puff of smoke.)

Fenrir: Why you...

(Spreading his chest plates, Fenrir leaped at F�nix, who hefted his flame-thrower. Within seconds, the area where he had been standing was reduced to a spinning ball of flame, dust, and claw.)

Angel: Stop it! Stop it now, or I'm bringing the heavy weaponry in here!

(They ignored her. Angel ran out of the room and came back few seconds later with a rocket launcher, which she pointed at the fight.)

Angel: Stop now, or I'll identify the pieces later!

(They immediately stopped. Fenrir had most F�nix's leg inside his mouth, while F�nix had his flame thrower raised to hit Fenrir on the head.)

Angel: Now, you (she pointed to Fenrir) spit him out. You know the rules, no eating the new guys.

Fenrir: Awww... *pitooie*

F�nix: (hitting the floor) Oof!

Angel: And you (she pointed to F�nix), no torching the staff writers. Okay?

F�nix and Fenrir: Yes, ma'am.

(Fenrir glared at F�nix one more time, then slithered out. F�nix stared after him nervously.)

F�nix: You sure he's not a spy?

Angel: Positive. Now, it looks like you have plenty of material. So you want to be a writer here?

F�nix: Sounds great! Thanks! (He struck a dramatic pose.) Now none shall stop the spreading of Truth.

Angel: You do know that we make up almost everything we print, right?

F�nix: You mean they're...lies?

Angel: Well, basically...

F�nix: They've gotten to you!

*whip*
*crinch*
*fwipfwipfwip*
*rrriip*
*crinckle*

F�nix: There. That oughta protect you.

(Angel looked down out of her new eyeslits to see that she was wrapped in aluminum foil from head to toe. How did he do that so quickly?)

Angel: Why did you do that?

F�nix: To protect you from government/alien mind control rays. You were infected, so a hat wouldn't do. Feel better now?

(Angel thought of several responses to that, but decided to go for one of the nicer ones, since that would probably get her away from this freak the quickest.)

Angel: Well, it's okay, I guess. Looks a little odd...

F�nix: Government zombie!

*whip*
*crinch*
*fwipfwipfwip*.....

(Scene: WAD-R kitchen, ten minutes later)

(Fenrir was in the kitchen again, fixing himself a salad and a side of beef. Literally. The left half of a cow took up most of the kitchen table. Just as he set the salad bowl down, he heard a crinkling from the hallway. Someone vaguely resembling Angel, but covered in an inch of aluminum foil, walked by. She raised a finger.)

Angel: Not. One. Word.

(She then walked off down the hallway, crinkling as she went. Fenrir shrugged and picked up the salad bowl. Walking to the window, he dropped it out on top of a passing pedestrian. Chuckling to himself, he turned back and plunged his face into the cow, sighing contentedly.)

=========================================================
		The End
=========================================================

Ok, here it is, I have decided to make a doubtful contribution to this group by introducing a bunch of rather confused villains that for reasons they are not even sure of themselves are quite determined to bring down WAD-R. Maybe these guys are a bit too whacked for the stories your group is writing, I dunno, but never the less I will, ladies, gentlemen and hydralisk who sits in the corner and throws popcorn at me:

Operation CWLAH -A nuisance to be reckoned with.
By: Grand Moff Ogre

Scene: A dark and long since abandoned storage building, pale moonlight pours in through smashed windows and holes in the roof and walls, filling it with twisted shadows. It is not a place that any sensible person would have picked as an assembly hall, but sensibility is a quality that the people who have gathered here do not have too much of.

Two-headed Ogre (head to the right speaking): My dear allies, I have asked you all to come here in order to discuss a very important issue that I as of late have become aware of.

Old guy in white suit and white cowboy hat with grey beard and a chickenleg in his right hand (with a Southern accent):

Pwah, you bugger!!! Git to de friggin point instead of mumblin' around in ya beard.

right Ogre head: I would like to point out that one should not talk about mumbling around in one's beard when one has a beard of one's own that makes one mumble more than any other person in this room. But enough about that, what I brought you here to tell you was that I recently learned of a group that apparently.

left Ogre head: That guy's right, you are mumbling in your beard. So shut up and let me handle the talking from now on. You se folks, it's kinda like this: There are these losers wgo call themselves WAD-R, they are out to bring down the goverment and seize the power for themselves. And so do I. Thus these WAD-R:s need to be kicked in their collective as until they have understood that no one , absolutely no one, steals the Grand Moff Ogre's cake and lives.

right Ogre head: Well... that was what I was going to say... In a less blunt and arrogant way, of course.

left Ogre head: So the point is: I've dragged around this country for about just as long as I had the patience to and gathered people who I think could be used for some serious ass-kickin. What I found was you; maybe not what I had hoped for, but hopefully enough.

Geeky red-haired guy in gray anorak (in a really squeeky voice): So, how do we go about kicking this WAD-R:s butts?

right Ogre head: Well... (is interrupted by the left head)

left Ogre head: Shut up! Well... what I had in mind was that we'd find them and simply do some serious ass-kicking and then be done with it. But of course I am counting on that these wad-people are realy weak and easily frightened, so I have started an advanced psychological warfare against them and is currently standing by, waiting to see if it has any effect.

right Ogre head: Hmmph... Some advanced "psychological warfare" you've come up with... You wrote "Get out" with a white crayon on the wall of their headquarters... And then the rain in the afternoon washed that away...

left Ogre head: ...So now that we have seen that psychological warfare obviously has no effect at all, we should get over to the ass-kicking.

Drooling, dirty, drunk redneck: Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh... Ass... (drools a little)

left Ogre head: Whatever... Now, I had planned some immediate action, so I suggest that we get over to their building and...

right Ogre head: No, no, no... You are doing this all wrong... Like I have told you so many times before: these things take planning. Now, I suggest that we work out a good strategy and picks a name for our joined efforts.

left Ogre head: Eh, boring... I'm fine with the name part, but the planning has to wait. So, let's pick a cool name and then be on our way. I suggest the name "Ogre Is A F*cking Cool Dude Who Kicks Ass"

right Ogre head: And I suggest we put a gag on you and never unties it no matter what happens... I'm against the suggestion, any one else have a good name for our group?

Guy Who Has A Face Which Makes One Hate Him At The First Sight Of Him: Tahd-Power!

Geek: Ugh... What a sucky name... You must really suck...

Tahd (the GWHAFWMOHHATFSOH): And what would you suggest as a name then, nerd-boy?

Geek: Agents Of A Worse Tomorrow.

right Ogre head: I like that... It's got a nice ring to it... I suggest we... (interrupted by left head)

left Ogre head: Shut up! I wanna hear some good suggestions here. Billy Ray?

Billy Ray (the Dirty, Drooling, Drunk Redneck): Uh... (scratches head)

random thug: EY WO HEY YO HO WAY!!!

Guy in brown hooded robe: 133+ 41114nC 0f H4cKuRz!!!!

left Ogre head: I think I lost the thread somewhere after "133+"... Could someone translate this guy for me?

Geek (getting a lecturing tone in his voice): I believe he speaks "W4r3Z", an ancient language of the software piracy masters... A noble tongue which can be... (interrupted by Tahd)

Thad: You mean the talk of losers and newbies?

Guy in brown robe: f00k U, U b3 14mUr, 1'm n0 NuUb1!!!! (starts to beat up Tahd)

Old hippie guy in a white shirt and curved outwards jeans: Hey... Could We, Like, Agree Here?

All the others (except for the thugs and Billy Ray): CWLAH!!!!

left Ogre head: All right, I believe we've got the name. Now let's get down to the WAD-R:s and inflict some major damage!

(Operation CWLAH, which is: Grand Moff Ogre, the old guy in a white suit, the geek, Billy Ray, Tahd, the guy in a brown robe, the old hippie dude and four random thugs, walk out of the building.

Scene: Outside the storage building, operation CWLAH is standing next to a red pickup truck with a trailer attached to it.

Grand Moff Ogre (right head): So... This is our HQ...

Billy Ray (smiling proudly with all his seven teeth) : It's mah cah... (drools)

Grand Moff Ogre (right head): Whatever... So, how's that intelligence report coming along, Nimrod?

Nimrod (geek): Well, according to the information gained from the ex-soviet espionage network whose webpage I successfully logged in on, WAD-R is... (interrupted by Tahd)

Tahd: Hey! That's a friggin porno-site you're looking at, you dumb-ass...

guy in robe: 4h... Pr0n...

Grand Moff Ogre (right head): Ok... no intelligence report then... Let's just go down there and be done with it...

(Most of operation CWLAH enters the trailer, Billy Ray sits down behind the wheel of the pickup, takes a big gulp from a whiskey bottle and starts up the car. Operation CWLAH drives off into the night)

Ok, and Operation CWLAH (Could We, Like, Agree Here?) are the following people:

Grand Moff Ogre: A somewhat cunning and mildly brutal WarCraft 2 style ogre. Has two heads, each with its own personality. The head to his right (which is bald and has a bent horn in the forehead) is thoughtful and prefers to sit back and think of a good plan beofre doing anything. The head to the left (bald, with thick black eyebrows), likes to skip the thinking and simply stride to action. Since the left head is more aggressive, it usually wins the many arguments that Grand Moff Ogre has with himself. When Grand Moff Ogre (the whole ogre, not just a head) is angry with something, he usually lets out his emotions by grabbing the object (be it a thing or another CWLAH member) in one of his gigantic fists and repeatedly smash it hard with the other while yelling curses. Has sworn to rule the entire world, and therefore wants WAD-R out of the picture. Is CWLAH's leader. Usually fights with a big mallet in each hand.

Jim James Jeen Jebocksbackberry: An old man in his sixties. Used to own a large chicken farm, which he for unknown reasons (poker and inability to be good at it) lost, is now a part of operation CWLAH. Always wears a white suit with a string tie and a white cowboy hat, has a gray beard. Likes to think of himself as a "southern gentleman", but is in reality a dirty old goat who is quite easily distracted by womens' chests. He acts rather arrogantly and unpolitely against anyone who is more than ten years younger than him (but respects Grand Moff Ogre since Ogre is 245). Usually calls people he find annoying or inferior to himself "mavericks". Speaks with a reedy southern accent. Fights with a black wooden cane in his right hand and a fried chicken leg in the left.

Nimrod: Your average computer geek. Is very pallid and of a rather delicate frame, has thick untidy red hair as well as thick, untidy glasses, always wears a grey anorak. Whines a lot and is quite a wimp. Always carries a lap-top and a satellite modem with him. His skills with the computer makes him almost as effective as WAD-R as a propaganda spreader, he is the source behind 95 % of all internet rumors. Usually stays behind in battle and hides in the trailer. Feels extremly ill if he is exposed to strong sunlight.

Billy Ray (yeah, the guy from Redneck Rampage): A drunken redneck. Extremly dense, almost incapable of communicating with words, droolsa lot. Wears a pair of old worn jeans with suspenders and no shirt. Owns a pickup-truck with a trailer which serves as CWLAH's mobile HQ. Fights with a two-barreled shotgun.

Tahd: Seems to define every single quality that Jim James Jeen considers to be maverick:ish, he is extremly ego-centrical, self-confident, insubordinate and likes to play stupid practical jokes on people. Has a constantly self-righteous expression on his face that any human immediately grows to loathe, that expression has twice its normal effect when he's smiling. Always wants to play the hero and always wants to be in front, will immediately sign up for any mission Grand Moff ogre gives to CWLAH. Fights with a six-shooter revolver.

thugs: Not any really specific characters, just a bunch of random thugs that have been recruited by CWLAH. They are not very bright, but makes up for that by having a lot of muscle power. Are used as CWLAH's front soldiers and fights with whatever weapons they are given (crow bars, machine guns, laser rifles, whatever...). They speak a language even simpler than that of Billy Ray, it consists of only "one vocal one consonant words", "two vocals one consonant words" and "one vocal two consonants words". They usually are killed after some time in CWLAH's service and are replaced by new and identically stupid thugs.

Newbie-1-Kenuuuuuuuubie: A guy who is made up of all the prejudices that exists about Internet newbies. Is loud- and foulmouthed, understands nothing, and usually keep annoying people by telling them how superior he is, can act in a rather offensive manner when people don't agree with him. His language is "W4r3Z", which is like the written gibberish that replaces certain letters with numbers or symbols and randomly switches capital and small letters, most people have a hard time understanding what he says, with the exception of Nimrod who thinks Newbie is "133+". Somehow, he uses the powers of the Force from Star Wars, he also wields a lightsaber and dresses like Obi-wan Kenobi.

Pristly Flowerman: A really old guy who still acts like a clich� hippie. He has long white hair that is thin on the top, wears shades with round red glass, curved outwards jeans and a white shirt or a T-shirt with a psychedelic motive on it. Usually seems to be in a reality of his own. Uses a wooden placard which reads "Peace" as a weapon.

That concludes the description, you are free to use these guys in whatever way you like.